bleh

writers block

im sure youre familiar with the term. if not then do one innit lerd.
it takes a lot to make me write. And if anyone ever read this shit id be embarassed, then id be like so what.
So what.

I often find myself saying things that others agree with. I say those things no one else will. it could be ''i dont understand'' or ''im afraid'' or more often than not ''im really stoned''
People are afraid to speak their mind. A smart twat would call it biting your tongue, i call it censoring yourself.
No one really knows what anyones about. Ofcourse you can appear to be a lovely well informed respectable person on the surface...
I find it fascinating when you get a glimpse into a real person.
It may take months or years but sooner or later you get a small glimpse into that persons mind, and that persons mind is always fucking twisted as fuck.
There probably are genuine good souls out there. How theyve managed to do it is a miracle. There is no such thing as selflessness. we always do things for personal gain. there is no good or evil. Just people.
Maybe im wrong
maybe this is just a fucked up rant because im dealing with shit that id rather not.
maybe this is what i think
maybe this is what iv been taught to think
maybe there are too many maybes on the screen right now
BLEH
I want to write something worthwhile
something concrete
They say writings supposed to sort your head out.
but this shits just fucking mine up more
maybe i should stop
nah
are there other things to do on a friday night ... well 5am saturday morning?
i could think of a few
my head is filled with images
of disturbing scenarios that are completely stupid
iv always been like this
though i used to use it positively
was i always such a pessimist?
see there is no problem really
thats where the problem lies
do i love the drama? nah
fuck it be honest iv always got to have some kind of burden to burn
some big looming weight on my shoulders
its pathetic really
when theres people dying of starvation dealing with wars and fates worrse than death
im sitting at a computer gnawing at my own mind trying to find a reason.
do i give a shit about anything
do i care too much?
someone said to me i get attatched easily
then 3 days later said i become detatched easily
i used to have this idea of a dice
you roll it and it gives you a number
now its more of a coin flip
psychologists would say thats a good thing
being split personality rather than having lots
i always thought it was a part of acting
you create these characters for certain scenarios then let go
but i dont think i should do that any more
i need to narrow it down to one person condense all these ways of being into one happy individual. become a whole person instead of a plethora of charaded badly thought out characters.
haha headfuck
no really though i should write something better
i have the potential to write
i have the patience
and the time
im just too fucking lazy
theres so much to be done.
i should probably delete this incase i read this in the future or god forbid someone else does.
nah it will be madness to read
a false decline into madness
causing concern for the far too intrusive.