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Life and all that other shit

Gratitude and appreciation
these things i dont show often but i really am astounded and suprised by life.
Every day is a gift. Whether youre busy as fuck or you sit on your ass doing nothing all day. Whether you spend it with a shit tonne of other people or alone you only get one chance at this so go for it.
In life you will encounter many people like yourself but they are all different like you. Never assume anything. Ever.
Take in words others say, make memories, take pictures and see beautiful things.
Make mistakes, be happy, be afraid, be sad but remember that life is fucking beautiful.
Do everything within your power and if not make it so!
Im not going to bullshit you with destiny or fate (which are terrible names for people). I used to think we only have a certain amount of control over our own lives but fuck that you can do anything you put your mind to. if your mind is capable of dreaming that is.
Then comes the element of lazyness
There are only so many hours in the day and we do get tired.
But if youre one of those people that cant get to sleep at night (and you are) then your mind is telling you that you need to apply yourself better.
Whether youre learning some super cool stuff at college uni whatever. Learning to drive. Playing the guitar OOOOOOOooOOooOoo these are all small but significant steps to where you want to go. whether you will get to your desired destination is another matter but at least its making you happy. its making you happy right?
So youre out in the big bad world. You make some money you buy shit and you start wondering what to do next. Do i want a house a car and a family? NO the world doesnt want you to do that its too full!! But it will happen anyway.
So now thats out of the way you can now focus on personal tasks.
Your idea
Your aspiration
Your dream
Your calling
Dont know what it is?
Join the fucking queue.

bleh

writers block

im sure youre familiar with the term. if not then do one innit lerd.
it takes a lot to make me write. And if anyone ever read this shit id be embarassed, then id be like so what.
So what.

I often find myself saying things that others agree with. I say those things no one else will. it could be ''i dont understand'' or ''im afraid'' or more often than not ''im really stoned''
People are afraid to speak their mind. A smart twat would call it biting your tongue, i call it censoring yourself.
No one really knows what anyones about. Ofcourse you can appear to be a lovely well informed respectable person on the surface...
I find it fascinating when you get a glimpse into a real person.
It may take months or years but sooner or later you get a small glimpse into that persons mind, and that persons mind is always fucking twisted as fuck.
There probably are genuine good souls out there. How theyve managed to do it is a miracle. There is no such thing as selflessness. we always do things for personal gain. there is no good or evil. Just people.
Maybe im wrong
maybe this is just a fucked up rant because im dealing with shit that id rather not.
maybe this is what i think
maybe this is what iv been taught to think
maybe there are too many maybes on the screen right now
BLEH
I want to write something worthwhile
something concrete
They say writings supposed to sort your head out.
but this shits just fucking mine up more
maybe i should stop
nah
are there other things to do on a friday night ... well 5am saturday morning?
i could think of a few
my head is filled with images
of disturbing scenarios that are completely stupid
iv always been like this
though i used to use it positively
was i always such a pessimist?
see there is no problem really
thats where the problem lies
do i love the drama? nah
fuck it be honest iv always got to have some kind of burden to burn
some big looming weight on my shoulders
its pathetic really
when theres people dying of starvation dealing with wars and fates worrse than death
im sitting at a computer gnawing at my own mind trying to find a reason.
do i give a shit about anything
do i care too much?
someone said to me i get attatched easily
then 3 days later said i become detatched easily
i used to have this idea of a dice
you roll it and it gives you a number
now its more of a coin flip
psychologists would say thats a good thing
being split personality rather than having lots
i always thought it was a part of acting
you create these characters for certain scenarios then let go
but i dont think i should do that any more
i need to narrow it down to one person condense all these ways of being into one happy individual. become a whole person instead of a plethora of charaded badly thought out characters.
haha headfuck
no really though i should write something better
i have the potential to write
i have the patience
and the time
im just too fucking lazy
theres so much to be done.
i should probably delete this incase i read this in the future or god forbid someone else does.
nah it will be madness to read
a false decline into madness
causing concern for the far too intrusive.

scouse la

so im sitting here
with a biffter in me grid
thinking of all the things i did
wrong
like in another reality
you and i could be
sound
but its not that easy
and you cant be near me
gutted
so why are you fuming
gettin a cob on at three thirty
things should be nice an breezy
you made your bed now lie in it?
quite the opposite really
fucking hell how cheesy
am i really.
dont get me wrong
im trying
but the roads so long and winding
im walking on egg shells
still stacking shelves
writing bad poetry with worse timing
and yeah in another reality
it could just be
you and me
for eternity
and all that
but face facts
our heads are jacked
youre not coming back
and for the record for rhyming sake i could have used the words crack wacky back or smack
but fuck that
iv got more vocabulary
an alter egos arch nemesis entity
i see violence silence love thats vibrant
but i hate this city
this country and its values
the these that and those
the way the cold wind blows
it does my head in
its frustrating
all im doing is ageing
growing cold soul sold and gathering mould
i should be flying
being where i want to be
but where is it
id love to visit
iv become so anaesthetised
i dont even realise what i want no more
like someone else keeping score
gettin bored of the trends
its driving me round the bend
to save face
i even forgot what i was ranting about in the first place
going off on a tangent
finding ways to vent
ah fuck it
ill be the carpet
ill be broken hearted
at least thats what you'll see
because thats not the real me.
I was mad about you
and the things you do
maybe you want me to chase
well thats great
but just let me know
before i let go
like rose in titanic
feeling stressed depressed and manic
dont panic
im a walker and a talker
but lately i feel like another one of your stalkers
so if you want me come and get me
if not then dont regret me
because iv tried and tried till im tired
and right now id rather just get wired
i can only do so much
til i have to give up
but it seems like youre quite gutted about it
like im moving on but you wont allow it
this was your choice your decision
you made a paradise into a prison
and i hope youre happy having someone else to blame
i dont mind. keep playing your mind games.

.

CJ you were the best
you have stolen my heart
I reallly hope you dont just fade away

What good can come from negativity?

Maybe the subconscious really wants us to not be happy
surely that cant be the mind of a good man
who wants to be pitied
or empathised with
its not what we say
its what we dont
still we fall for the same old bullshit
i used to think words were worthless
im quickly discovering how wrong i was.
words are all you have
and if you are a man of few words you will be thought of as stupid
i used to think most people can see through it
this is not the case.
People here and there disappearing and reappearing in others lives
totally oblivious to the effect they have on eachother
weaving their own tapestries
whispers and rumours with only dark hearts and dead eyes
to kick up dust and write off their lives
concerned with trivials and false memories
invisible enemies.
Is it a cause for concern
are alarm bells ringing

i feel guilty being this happy
when those around me are so sad.

flash blogging

im not going to bullshit you
though your eyes are tantalising enticing and magnificent
i want to feel your skin - your breathe
your hair - my eyes and lips
your smell stays in the back of my throat
youre a recurring image in my mind
You are driving me crazy
You have got to be mine.

for you
id do all that mushy shit
im talking chocolates candles and suprises
id change myself to fit your mutating ideals
id treat you like a princess and everything else
id sell my soul for your love
unfortunately
im satisfied with a smile
And now they are too easy.

we were suddenly tragic
and just like that we were gone
though we spent our days together
nothing good can last
i trace my mind for memories
but come to a loss
taken back by bitter bickerings
i seldom recall
infact
i dont remember you at all.
A few jokes
a smile through poetry
thats all you have left of me
And a book
accounting my withdrawal into madness.

we almost killed eachother
we did
drove ourselves insane
but it was such a fun game
maybe we were supposed to be enemies
after all we never did agree
what springs to mind
is creating sides

now i wont let what happened repeat
im almost sure
still however what happens now
has happened before
like love
you only get it once
but once over
you get a taste for it.

What scares me
is that there are people who never allow it
whatever you call this love
maybe others feel it more than i do
im certain i know it well
the ability to find people astounding
and unbelieveably beautiful
captivating at worst

we are afraid of this love
it takes away everything
and leaves us naked in a cold world.

karma

Every thought we have could burn our bloodline
As I reconnect with hope
I could never trust your secrecy...you're suffering
You only pray your deeds will match your outcome
Forgiving your mistakes
Reflecting truth and look at you, you're failing
A slave defeats his master by a landslide
And the rich succumb to poor
I don't want to burn my only bridge, my only one

Karma works its way into play
Someone hears every word you say
What is done will somehow come back around
And you can spout your drivel to people
I don't mind and I'll be just fine
Moving forward I will not be brought down

Actions tear a hole inside the lifeline
They say a spirit never dies
Could you ever truly change your ways...you're suffering
Brandishing a cross will be your last lie
And it'll lock your open door
One chance to make you see, just one

Karma works its way into play
Someone hears every word you say
What is done will somehow come back around
And you can spout your drivel to people
I don't mind and I'll be just fine
Moving forward I will not be brought down

.

[ This paper is collection of research conclusions and observations which I have witnessed over the past 5 year that I have attempted to put into a written form that might be helpful, but more importantly stimulate discussions. The real purposes is to increase the awareness between men and women, and to help them set aside issues that are not personal but are merely manifestations of nature. To my way of thinking, it is important to honor and rejoice in both our nature and our individuality.]

For centuries, the differences between men and women were socially defined and distorted through a lens of sexism in which men assumed superiority over women and maintained it through domination. As the goal of equality between men and women now grows closer we are also losing our awareness of important differences. In some circles of society, politically correct thinking is obliterating important discussion as well as our awareness of the similarities and differences between men and women. The vision of equality between the sexes has narrowed the possibilities for discovery of what truly exists within a man and within a woman. The world is less interesting when everything is same.

It is my position that men and women are equal but different. When I say equal, I mean that men and women have a right to equal opportunity and protection under the law. The fact that people in this country are assured these rights does not negate my observation that men and women are at least as different psychologically as they are physically.

None of us would argue the fact that men and women are physically different. The physical differences are rather obvious and most of these can be seen and easily measured. Weight, shape, size and anatomy are not political opinions but rather tangible and easily measured. The physical differences between men and women provide functional advantages and have survival value. Men usually have greater upper body strength, build muscle easily, have thicker skin, bruise less easily and have a lower threshold of awareness of injuries to their extremities. Men are essentially built for physical confrontation and the use of force. Their joints are well suited for throwing objects. A man’s skull is almost always thicker and stronger than a women’s. The stereotype that men are more "thick-headed" than women is not far fetched. A man’s "thick headedness", and other anatomical differences have been associated with a uniquely male attraction to high speed activities and reckless behavior that usually involve collisions with other males or automobiles. Men invented the game "chicken", not women. Men, and a number of other male species of animal seem to charge and crash into each other a great deal in their spare time.

Women on the other hand have four times as many brain cells (neurons) connecting the right and left side of their brain. This latter finding provides physical evidence that supports the observation that men rely easily and more heavily on their left brain to solve one problem one step at a time. Women have more efficient access to both sides of their brain and therefore greater use of their right brain. Women can focus on more than one problem at one time and frequently prefer to solve problems through multiple activities at a time. Nearly every parent has observed how young girls find the conversations of young boys "boring". Young boys express confusion and would rather play sports than participate actively in a conversation between 5 girls who are discussing as many as three subjects at once!

The psychological differences between man and women are less obvious. They can be difficult to describe. Yet these differences can profoundly influence how we form and maintain relationships that can range from work and friendships to marriage and parenting.

Recognizing, understanding, discussing as well as acting skillfully in light of the differences between men and women can be difficult. Our failure to recognize and appreciate these differences can become a life long source of disappointment, frustration, tension and eventually our downfall in a relationship. Not only can these differences destroy a promising relationship, but most people will grudgingly accept or learn to live with the consequences. Eventually they find some compromise or way to cope. Few people ever work past these difficulties. People tend to accept what they don’t understand when they feel powerless to change it.

Relationships between men and women are not impossible or necessarily difficult. Problems simply arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should think, feel or act the way we do. It’s not that men and women live in completely different realities. Rather, our lack of knowledge and mutual experience gives rise to our difficulties.

Despite great strides in this country toward equality, modern society hasn’t made relationships between men and women any easier. Today’s society has taught us and has imposed on us the expectation that men and women should live together continuously, in communion, and in harmony. These expectations are not only unrealistic but ultimately they leave people feeling unloved, inadequate, cynical, apathetic or ashamed.

The challenge facing men and women is to become aware of their identities, to accept their differences, and to live their lives fully and as skillfully as possible. To do this we must first understand in what ways we are different. We must avoid trying to change others to suit our needs. The following illustrates some important differences between men and women. These differences are not absolute. They describe how men and women are in most situations most of the time.

Problems

Men and women approach problems with similar goals but with different considerations. While men and women can solve problems equally well, their approach and their process are often quit different. For most women, sharing and discussing a problem presents an opportunity to explore, deepen or strengthen the relationship with the person they are talking with. Woman are usually more concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem itself. For women, solving a problem can profoundly impact whether they feel closer and less alone or whether they feel distant and less connected. The process of solving a problem can strengthen or weaken a relationship. Most men are less concerned and do not feel the same as women when solving a problem.

Men approach problems in a very different manner than women. For most men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to demonstrate their competence, their strength of resolve, and their commitment to a relationship. How the problem is solved is not nearly as important as solving it effectively and in the best possible manner. Men have a tendency to dominate and to assume authority in a problem solving process. They set aside their feelings provided the dominance hierarchy was agreed upon in advance and respected. They are often distracted and do not attend well to the quality of the relationship while solving problems.

Some of the more important differences can be illustrated by observing groups of young teenage boys and groups of young teenage girls when they attempt to find their way out of a maze. A group of boys generally establish a hierarchy or chain of command with a leader who emerges on his own or through demonstrations of ability and power. Boys explore the maze using scouts while remaining in distant proximity to each other. Groups of girls tend to explore the maze together as a group without establishing a clear or dominant leader. Relationships tends to be co-equal. Girls tend to elicit discussion and employ "collective intelligence" to the task of discovering a way out. Girls tend to work their way through the maze as a group. Boys tend to search and explore using structured links and a chain of command.

Thinking

While men and women can reach similar conclusions and make similar decisions, the process they use can be quit different and in some cases can lead to entirely different outcomes. In general, men and women consider and process information differently.

Women tend to be intuitive global thinkers. They consider multiple sources of information within a process that can be described as simultaneous, global in perspective and will view elements in the task in terms of their interconnectedness. Women come to understand and consider problems all at once. They take a broad or "collective" perspective, and they view elements in a task as interconnected and interdependent. Women are prone to become overwhelmed with complexities that "exist", or may exist, and may have difficulty separating their personal experience from problems.

Men tend to focus on one problem at a time or a limited number of problems at a time. They have an enhanced ability to separate themselves from problems and minimize the complexity that may exist. Men come to understand and consider problems one piece at a time. They take a linear or sequential perspective, and view elements in a task as less interconnected and more independent. Men are prone to minimize and fail to appreciate subtleties that can be crucial to successful solutions. A male may work through a problem repeatedly, talking about the same thing over and over, rather than trying to address the the problem all at once.

While there are differences in the ways that men and women think, it must be emphasized that they can and do solve problems in a similar manner. There are no absolutes, only tendencies.

Memory

Women have an enhanced ability to recall memories that have strong emotional components. They can also recall events or experiences that have similar emotions in common. Women are very adept at recalling information, events or experiences in which there is a common emotional theme. Men tend to recall events using strategies that rely on reconstructing the experience in terms of elements, tasks or activities that took place. Profound experiences that are associated with competition or physical activities are more easily recalled. There appears to be a structural and chemical basis for observed memory differences. For instance, the hippocampus, the area in the brain primarily responsible for memory, reacts differently to testosterone in men and it reacts differently to changing levels of estrogen and progesterone in women. Women tend to remember or be reminded of different "emotional memories" and content to some extent as part of their menstrual cycle.

Sensitivity

There is evidence to suggest that a great deal of the sensitivity that exists within men and women has a physiological basis. It has been observed that is many cases, women have an enhanced physical alarm response to danger or threat. Their autonomic and sympathetic systems have a lower threshold of arousal and greater reactivity than men. In both men and women, higher levels of testosterone directly affect the aggressive response and behavior centers of the brain. Increasing estrogen and progesterone in men has a "feminizing" effect. Sexually aggressive males become less focused on sexual aggressive behavior and content when they are given female hormones. On the other hand, changing estrogen and progesterone levels in women during menstrual cycles can produce a "flood" of memories as well as strong emotions. Increasing or high levels of testosterone can produce an emotional insensitivity, empathic block and increased indifference to the distress others.

At the heart of sensitivity is our capacity to form, appreciate and maintain relationships that are rewarding. Even here there are important differences. For men, what demonstrates a solid relationship is quite different from that of most women. Men feel closer and validated through shared activities. Such activities include sports, competition, outdoor activities or sexual activities that are decidedly active and physical. While both men and women can appreciate and engage in these activities they often have preferential differences. Women, on the other hand, feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives. Many men tend to find such sharing and involvement uncomfortable, if not, overwhelming.

The Task Of Relationship Facing Men and Women

The task that faces men and women is to learn to accept their differences, avoid taking their differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. The idea that one gender can think and feel like the other if they truly loved each is rather absurd. Sure, a man or women could act in consideration of the other’s needs, but this would not necessarily be rewarding and honest. Holding the benefit of another above our own is rewarding. But from time to time, and more often for most of us, it is important to be our self and to be accepted, and not to be the source of distress and disappointment in the lives of people we love.

The Role Of Counseling and Therapy

Counseling and therapy can help a couple understand and appreciate each other, and even benefit from their differences. Understanding these differences intellectually is not enough. A counselor or therapist can help point out these differences, as they surface, and guide a couple to a greater level of relationship. Understanding that differences are not intentional and that misunderstandings are merely the result of expectations that are not realistic can make a huge difference in a relationship. The differences that can be sensed between a man and women can deepen their relationship. More importantly, when men seek to understand and appreciate that which is feminine, they come to a deeper understanding of their self. And when a women seeks to understand that which is masculine in men, they come to appreciate and understand more about their own masculinity.

.

One of those days has become one of those weeks. OH WELL!

.

man all my life i feel like i have been walking in the wrong direction barely recognizing my own reflection. thinking the grass was always greener on the other side, well guess what/ i got to the other side and its artificail turf so fuk that.

.

Dont have a soul on my side
Still ridiculed despite how hard that i have tried.

A glass on a table in an earthquake -

Some really amazing and crappy things have happened the past week or so - almost feels like a dream. But it isnt.
Im putting this here for personal reasons, and mainly because I have a terrible memory.
Wednesday the 19 and thursday the 20th were terrible days and I will learn from my mistakes.

Infact April and May just went down the drain. You cant go back in time to change things but really I wish I could.
It seems like I got back from Mexico in the wrong frame of mind, and still Im in a daze.
This is going to take a long time to fix. Whatever it is.

http://everybodyedits.com

My affair with short poemsShare
Thursday, 22 October 2009 at 04:33 |

I try to create poetry
It washes over me
And its a facade a cliche
To write this way.



you can be anything
you want to be
except
me.



blatantly
undeniably tormented
gone forever
we pretended



Lost in a smile
what gothic imagery
slip on the turnstile
what a tragic memory



Cry with tears
combust in the sun
migraine headache
i hate everyone



Words are worthless
talk is cheap
time is precious
the world is weak



sleep is a loading screen
defragmenting a memory
lets hope i still remember you
like you, me.



heres one for the road my friends
lets end it on a high
think not of years months weeks and days gone
Or the people that pass you by
Be true to yourself and others friends
Dont deal in hate and pain
even if its just pretend - mind games
reflect the world and be the change

dont you cry no more
put that phone down
answer the door

what you cryin for
dont be sheddin no tears
cant be bad im sure

i trust til the end of the earth
its all were worth

blues

last night i walked a long long mile
missed the last bus at midnight
thats alright
i don mind walkin that much anywayz

this mornin i was an hour late for work
lord knows im lucky to have that
id gladly walk another mile for my lady
lord knows im lucky to have that

not a day goes by
where i aint grateful for what i got
not a day goes by where i dont remember where i come from
where im goin
who i left behind

leave it all behind tonight
imma leave it all behind alright

now they be askin n pryin
n askin questions see
these ghosts dont know me
not no more
and if they knocked on my door tomorrow
id tell em which way the cold wind blows

The better i get on guitar, the more things go wrong in my life. The equilibrium is irritable. At times unbearably so.

I was lost in a contraption
Took me days to find direction
Suddenly the moments collide

Finally found the fault in father
Family blood dilutes the water
I was dazed in my direction tonight

Photographed when he hit the ground
No one minds
That's my blind side

I was lost and you're to blame
A man of doubt gave me a name
The obvious was too hard to find

To watch me try is out of line
The sun will shine

To watch me die
Is out of line
The sun will still shine

What's mine is mine
The sun will still shine

dark days

The next step
hate death threats and violence
i watch my friends fight
i sit here in silence at night
dark days
the mind goes blank
but i gave thanks for the table scraps
i know that you got plenty of food
but i make do with the table scraps
and you dont even see
what you got for free
is a meal to me
but i make do with the table scraps

Close

Why do we let people in
Surely we know no good can come of it.
Youve heard the phrase 'too good to be true'?
I tell you I'm living it.

Like being lied to by a child
I smile as you make your own errors

observant, meticulous scheming unafraid...
I plod along oblivious
while you chew on stories
that fall upon deaf dumb ears

Without seeming uncaring
I am unphased but hurt.

silver heat collecting in the frontal lobe
i feel my demon days crawling up behind me
please god dont let me be that person again
i thought id changed.

How hate sickens me
Nothing will bring me out of this despicable mood.

I was born to make you senseless
How can i repay such deceit
on the floor
i see you bleeding
How can i repay such sadness

In a line
they walk
right to the end
it healed their sickness

like the war
we waged
for glory days
despite repeantance

i see the sun go black
then i look back
now i feel better

I was bored i made you senseless
How can i believe in these
count to 4
and still be breathing
Tell me why im still alive

psyche of a sociopath

There was a time where i lied
to cause someone pain
and i live a life
that belongs to someone else
but this is not my confession.

On days like this
i make paper planes
i fold intricacies
while people watch

i count magpies
ponder clouds
read car registration plates

i dont think about money
i dont
i dont do anything at all

on days like this
i think of those i left behind
and i take great pride in denying their existence

Planes

I looked for a long time
but nothing
A lot of thoughts clouded and crossed my mind
But this fire
Nothing can stave my satisfaction
or lack of it

When I look for water I find acid
I see pestilence and disease
Wondering what happened to this innocent place
Brow contorted in the knowledge I will not succeed
This place has distorted us
We find scarce solace
It rains shards of glass.

Yesterday I found a dog
rotting in the street

Talentless

When did you get so bland
what happened?
Did a demon suck all colour from life
and leave you black and white?
Has the moment passed
where you no longer saw the need to try

Could it be you're now empty
Are there deserts where trees used to be?
Hollow. Whats it like to be so hollow
Lost at sea
Did you fall off the edge of the world

Did you dive too deep for coins
Was it my responsibility
to make sure you didnt fall in on yourself?

Iustus Anhelo, a General fanfic - FictionPress.com

Iustus Anhelo
-
There's an affliction coursing through these veins
That cause these gents and boys to go insane,
And sing sweet lullabies to wistful broken hearts
So they can glue them back together
((And then break them all apart.))
So close your eyes, sweetheart,
And remember just to breathe
Because we all have holes in our hearts
That make us all bleed.
And so we breathe unto oblivion
Whilst praying for our souls,
But they have skewed themselves into the abyss
In which the never ending's ever known.
And I have a tribulation for the unholy,
And, sweetie, you have the keys,
Because angels with broken wings
Were only ever meant to taste cement-
And feel the lacerations on their knees.
And every word is weaved carefully
Into a bigger promised lie,
To stain our innocent hearts once again,
Just to pass the time.
So let's shadow ourselves in
To create our perfect demise,
Because when the world has become
Too tedious to handle
We'll just sing out up into the sky,
And pray for someone to hear us,
And pray for someone to take us away,
Because these songs draw our voices hoarse,
And we'll all surely fade away...

She is young, 21, smokes Parliament Lights, and inhales deep with every drag before blowing out, visibly young — her pale skin soft, real, not manipulated. Her features are unmarked. No makeup that you can identify. No tattoos. Holes from ear piercings, but they're unfilled. She beams with energy at every exchange and inquest, with every word. You wonder. You ask question upon question. You want to know more. And she tells you. Without hesitation. Everything on her mind. Forcefully. Streaming. Louder than you expect. More dynamic. Inflected. Strong. Kinetic.
Forcing the smoke from her lungs, from the right side of her mouth toward the sky and past her naturally brown, healthy head of hair. Her eyes are green, maybe closer to hazel. Her face is soft and expressive and constantly ready to break into a smile or a simper or a wince. It strikes you how youthful she appears. Visibly

Minutes pass.
She talks and you listen.
She's excited.
Smiling.
She tells you more and more.
Details. Stories. Opinions. Troubles. Openly.
But then there's a change.
She gets angry.
All of a sudden.
Then strangely guarded.
She gets inquisitive. Toward you. She gets mad. And mad again. Insulted by your ignorance. By your lack of insight. Or something else? Something you can't see? She gets distracted. That car next to you? That car that just pulled up? The noise coming from it? That music? 'Why does it suck so much!' she yells, through gritted teeth. Really yells this. Then laughs. Pointedly. Barely controlled. Almost frenzied. At the car, at the driver, at the music: Chuck Jackson's 'Any Day Now,' playing real loud, and probably too loud for anyone driving a late '80s Honda Accord DX with crackling speakers and a stereo unable to support the volume. She can't take it. She can't take any more of this. She's gotta get out of here. Gotta get the fuck out of here before she goes insane. She yells at you, then again at the driver, who has his windows rolled down and can definitely hear everything she says. But the driver. He doesn't look mad, doesn't even look surprised as he turns off his car and just stares at her, unmoving, and either unmoved or awestruck. She looks over at him and says 'Fuck. You. And your shitty music.' Gets up and starts walking away. And you look around — at Danny, her friend; and at your photographer, your friend — and they just sort of shrug without a word and get up to follow her. You follow her, too. Because you just never know. You never know what's going to happen. Especially with ....

Ladies and Gentlemen:

It's raining.

As an artist I had the pleasure of spending considerable amounts of time with over a period of a few months once told me, rain in the cinema is always an indicator of change. Sometimes they switch it up and it precipitates for most of the movie, the change later indicated by the cessation of rain.

Therefore, today feels like a good time for some change.

For once, I'm actually going to give you what you're asking for. This may or may not be related to the fact that this particular blog posting is a fantastic opportunity to get you twelve different kinds of excited and then leave you wanting more, and I loooove leaving people wanting more. One of the things I find most interesting about people is that we always want, and when we get, we want either more or something else. Otherwise we'd all still be digging for roots, chewing on barely heated chunks of animal, and rutting in the dirt solely for the purpose of propagating our species.

I'll bet you're curious about what I've been up to since May of 2009. Eight months is a short time, but so much can and does happen in short amounts of time.

But I'm not going to tell you.

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As the proud bearer of a mighty crop of red hair, I should like to remind the mousey coloured masses that on the two occasions during the last 500 years that this country was most in peril, redheads, namely Elizabeth I and Winston Churchill stepped up and met the challenge, of the Spanish Armada and the Nazis respectively. So enjoy your japes and easy insults if you will, but remember that fact the next time a redhead saves the nations's collective skin!

lolz

cunt faced jaberwock

She hates my friends? :()

"tell her its over...and that you like someone else. tell her you think her attitude sucks and that the relationship isnt any fun...and then watch how much she likes your friends."

new years resolution

i am actually going to try to be more of a dick. seriously, my biggest flaw is that i am very tolerant, very patient, and i care too much about not hurting other people's feelings. so in 2010, i am going to do my best to be a bigger asshole

never say never when theres the internet

.

Sometimes the best role models, are not the best role models.

In life you will meet people like you, that is very important. You can however learn a lot more from someone who is not.

Be aware of how you think, and remember you can change it if you want to.

In time anything is possible, unfortunately our time is always fleeting.

Love will sneak up behind you and put a yellow post-it sticker on your back, but dont worry it only says 'i love you more'.

Sunshine shadow

The moon was full

Total eclipse

Standing in the shadow of the sun

When i appeared

leaving behind everyone

Id ever cared to know

Though I knew so little

Standing in that shadow

I am in happy company now.